A brothel visit

Have you ever wondered what really goes on inside one of Nevada’s legal brothels?
Not because you’ve ever wanted to visit a brothel. You’re just curious, in the same way you might be curious about what it’s really like for a Navy SEAL who has to survive in a swamp with just a straw. It’s exotic and something the majority of us will never experience.
Play the GameMaybe you’ve seen reality shows like HBO’s Cathouse, or heard prostitutes talk about their lives on Howard Stern. But those are usually exaggerated performances, and have about as much to do with reality asSurvivor does with what it’s actually like to live on a desert island.
Meet “Lydia” (not her real name), a legal prostitute who’s lived and worked in Nevada for 5 years.
Selling sex for a living wasn’t her first aspiration. She originally considered a career in sports medicine, and then majored in art therapy in college. She settled on what she calls “a very, very good job with a huge, international financial company.”
Corporate downsizing led to her taking on “a string of jobs for several years, including being director of a grant-funded, indigent health care clinic and pharmacy.” She eventually moved to Nevada, deciding to give legal prostitution a try.
“It looked like a no-brainer,” she says. “Earn money doing something that, for me, is as easy as falling off that proverbial log. Or is jumping on the proverbial log?”
She’s worked at several brothels across the state—she’s avoided the streets, she says. “I chose legal for the safety.” She’s currently employed at a small brothel (which she prefers not to name) in a northern Nevada mining town, several hundred miles away from the bright lights (and big money) of Las Vegas.
We folled her to keep a diary of her experiences during a typical week, and she was happy to oblige, warning us that it probably wouldn’t be what we expected.
“It’s definitely not the misery anti-traffickers would have you believe,” Lydia says. “But it’s also not all glitz.”

“ socalsummerwish:
What had started out as a casual romp with a stranger from the bar was turning into something much more to Angela. Their lust for each other meant they had only made it as far as the sofa, and they’d...
This is not a user’s manual for soliciting prostitutes. Nor is it a salacious exposé, or an excuse for moral grandstanding.
It’s simply an honest, unadorned, unromanticized account of an industry that reflects, for better or worse, a segment of human sexuality.
If you want an insider’s look at what actually happens behind closed doors at a brothel—the good, the bad, and yes, sometimes the gross—keep reading.
9:30 a.m.
Weekly doctor visit. Can’t miss or work permit’s pulled. At least I get to wear real clothes and a comfortable bra, not the boned thing that shoves boobs up to my chin. This is required and they take check up and check in serious around here.
Last night was long and tedious; full hooker gear until four a.m. Shiny pink stilettos are calf-killers.
9:40 a.m.
Coffee at bar with girls. Window shoppers will start around noon. Glad I don’t have the early shift.
Debbie talking about customer who couldn’t get off last night. Had him jerk himself to finish in time.  She was pissed he got cum in her hair and she missed next line-up.
We get both ends of the spectrum—customers like Debbie, or like my first who exploded the minute I touched him. Shortest booking in history. Short ones are fine. You can’t imagine how many men can’t last more than a minute – most. I caught another newbie last night whose wife won’t give him a blow job. He said he has not had a blowjob in 10 years just wanted his dick sucked is all.
Got doctor money and a bit extra from bartender. Not being allowed to have cash in-house just sucks. Madam’s always late getting our pay ready.
Now I know why Cinda used to roll money in a condom and carry it inside her—the only place they won’t check in a room search.
1:20 p.m.
Back at House. Cops are checking doctor slips. Time to get ready for work.
2:25 p.m.
Phone call from regular who will stop in over weekend. He drives from Oregon every few months, for the same thing: Strips me down, puts me hands-and-knees on the bed, grabs my ass, starts talking about Canadian politics while he bangs the hell out of me. Older guy I think he is about 50 not a very big dock but he can go forever and is good at it and can work it. Might use Viagra I think.
Every visit same thing, same talk, always 90-minute booking. Good money. We’ve nicknamed him Doc Banal.
4 p.m.
Show Time! Two line-ups already. Doorbell just rang again so about three minutes before the Avon Calling line-up bell.
6:40 p.m.
Bunch of young jerks just came and went. Once, just once, I wish we could make them line up so we could point and giggle like they do when they are jerks like that. I’d like to see all these little dicks hanging out! But most are nice, most of the time, just want someone who’ll listen to them, make them feel like most important thing in the world for a few minutes.
12:30 a.m.
Feet hurt. I’ve switched shoes again. Booked three, changed clothes twice, brushed teeth four times. Noshed on London Broil sandwich.
Glad we have a swing-shift bartender who can actually cook. Sex makes you hungry.
Shit. Doorbell, again. Shoes back on, will try not to hobble to line-up. Ouch.
3:20 a.m.
Caught one more for the night. Repeat customer who likes to hog-tie me. First two visits, I charged him a double-rate so that another girl, Bella, could be in the room with us for safety. Turned out to be okay guy, so now it’s just me.
Strips me down with fake roughness, puts me face-down on bed. Restrains and gags me, not too tightly, with torn strips of sheets, ankles fastened to wrists. Early adolescent training as a gymnast means I’m flexible. It comes in handy.
He sits in a chair across the room, naked, jerking off, while I struggle and moan. Finis. Thirty minutes all-in, if that. A towel he puts on floor in front of him ensures no sticky clean up.
Washes himself, unties me, asks if he tied too tightly. He never does. Fifteen minutes at bar, quick drink and small talk, he’s gone. Four or five months he needs another fix.
Nearly bedtime. I’m toast. Clothes can stay on the floor tonight. Love my down comforter.
11:15 a.m.
Giggling in the hallway woke me up. Almost asleep again, then a crash and non-stop, really ugly cursing. Peaches returning from two weeks off.
Darius was dragging her suitcases into her room and knocked over lamp. Peaches is this tiny white girl with amazing gold-blonde hair. Darius is six-five, black as black, a schlong almost the length of my forearm and thick as hell.
Peaches won’t line-up for black customers “out of respect for Darius.” She calls him her boyfriend but we know better. He’s her pimp.
I know better because he tried to recruit me once—smooth talker—after he booked and fucked me once. Can’t believe I looked that easy or desperate. He's good in bed if it's just the fucking your talking about. 
3 p.m.
Time to get ready. Half of a major New England fire department is spending a week at the Fire Science Academy, next town over. One of them called, asking about rates. Bartender quoted the minimums and assured them there’s no obligation.
All Houses used to accept Fire Bucks—“currency” doled to the trainees to be spent in any business in the two towns—until some prude with power in the Academy squashed that. Brothels would not be reimbursed for Fire Bucks. So it’s cash on the barrelhead for these guys.
Whoever killed our Fire Bucks is probably another orally deprived dude in desperate need of a blow job who can't get his dick up. Did I mention how many dudes can't get a boner around here or how many wife's won't suck their mans cock?
7:30 p.m.
Peaches is on the House computer, logged in on the brothel boards. Seven or eight line-ups, half-dozen parties booked.
Barely legal guys show up earlier in the evening before heading for a local bar to drink the night away. They’re usually with older buddies who brag they “don’t have to pay for sex.”
We remind them they’ve always paid for it, one way or another.
8:30 p.m.
Just made good money taking 3 of the younger ones at once. Had a couple of them try 2 at a time big talk but they could not really do it. 90 minute session with most of it used with all 3 of them trying to get there dick's hard. Once they all got naked in front of each other you could feel the tension sizing each other up. They where all very average not sure who they where trying to impress me or each-other.  Younger ones are easy money, they are typically bad in bed and can't last. 

8:40 p.m.
Firefighters are here!
11:15 p.m.
Twenty-seven of them. They were friendly and polite and fun. Which seems to be true of all the firefighters we’ve had visit.
Most of them look, not book, but they’re generous with drinks and tips, right there at the bar. They’re also smart. A breath of fresh air. Most do not want sex, some touching and looking mostly. Rub on most of them grabbed some firefighter crotch and one handjob. 
Last summer I sat at the bar next to a pair of suits who couldn’t stop with the shop-talk even in a brothel. Sporadically, they’d try including me. Finally one said to the other “well, that would be an equine of a different hue,” and he turned to face me. “Sorry, you probably have no idea what that means, do you?”
 “Related to a bovine of dissimilar tint,” I shot back, and left them there.
The firefighters are gone, along with a good part of our inventory of Scotch and beer. Two of the single guys booked girls. A few whispered that they’ll be back in a few days, alone. You could here Tana from down the hall with one of them moaning - these moans sounded real he must be good.

Firefirefiter Tana was fucking is walking in the hall naked with a little boner asking the girls for another condom. Cute guy nice body he must know how to work that little thing on him, what a cutie. Very politite. More moaning from Tanya again. 

12:35 a.m.

Firefighter Tanya had just is now leaving. Tanya comes out and tells us he still had a boner but has to go. Best she has had in a long time she says nice guy cute and fun. Small cock but worked it good, went down her and was good at it from what she explains. 
Sunday. Slowest day of the week—local fellas are nursing hangovers. Deb and I outlined holiday plans for the House. Single guys always get invited for Thanksgiving and Christmas, everyone cooks, gifts all around.


Several guys come in. All in their mid to late 30s. All pretty cute. We line up. One picks me.  We head back to my room. He just wants a blowjob wife won't suck his dick. It's a common theme. I pull his pants down he grabs my ass and tits some. Doesn't take to long. I suck his cock and and balls and finish him on my tits. Lots of cum must have been a while for him. Seems happy good tip he leaves. 

3 p.m.

Previous guys friend comes in to see me now. Wants some sex, single guy. I take off my clothes I can see his hard boner already through his pants before I even touch him. Looks big. I go to take his clothes off and out pops his cock, its big. Some light stroking and he cums already. Oops a surprise, he is embarrassed. Does not want his friend to know. He cleans up pays me and we sit and chat for a while so he does not have to go back out to the front to soon. I would never say anything to his friend. 
5 p.m.
Exhausted from two nights of party and noise. With Peaches back in-house, I’ll be able to beg off early at least one night this week.
Shot an email off to my “guy”. We’re pushing a decade, probably because we recognize that each of us are individuals; neither of us fit a traditional mold. He's a good guy. Yes single and free. Makes good money I know he fools around on me. A very average guy actually and frankly not all that great in bed but that's not why I like. him.
I recapped the most insane moments of past week, for him to read. He’s sending me a new Bullet pen, industrial strength. He kids that I need one that’ll plug directly to a generator.
He’s checking fares to Italy for me, again. And maybe one day . . . a flat in an ancient building off Florence’s Piazza del Duomo, Brunelleschi’s masterpiece from my window each morning. If you ain’t got a dream . . . 
10:40 p.m.
Eight doorbells, three line-ups since 5. I’m catching up on brothel boards. Message popped up from a guy I’ve talked to past six months.
He lusts after bald women. My hair’s pretty short. He wants to make it shorter. Keeps asking if I’ll let him shave everything off my body before he fucks me.
Answer’s always been no. Don’t want unfamiliar people having razorsnear me. Plus the offered price has been too low.
Tonight he says he just sold a business in Vegas, might I reconsider his request? I prevaricated. He pressed. It remains unresolved.
7:15 p.m.
Van of barely legal Mormon boys arrived from Salt Lake. Younger girls got a few, the rest are drinking. The mormon boys are always in here. Stupid people think boys wont want pussy is stupid. they are easy money never last long. 
7:25 p.m.
Another line-up. Boys still drinking hard.
Religion. Holy fuck. I know an older man who drives from Salt Lake to the nearest Nevada brothel. Always arrives after the girls are asleep, hits the men’s room right off, spends ages in there. Makes the bartenders nervous until they get used to him.
He comes out as a woman. Dress, stockings, heels, wig, make-up,handbag. Says he “can’t do this in Salt Lake.” He’s a Mormon Church Elder. Hidden his cross-dressing most of his life. Nevada’s the only place he feels safe.
Last year a young guy visited us to do his hair and make-up. Made a fantastic girl! Really pretty. He was super feminine, tiny penis and balls I can see why. He always had a stunning wardrobe. A year of pep talks and we set him up online with gay groups, the support he needed.
He moved to Reno where being different doesn’t risk his life. Never came out to his religious family but keeps in touch with us.
Jeez. Effin doorbell again.

More mormon boys. I went and lined up and flirted with them. Mornon boys are one group that has no problem with hard-on's, they just don;t last more than a minute. You sit on there lap and you can feel there little cocks hard on every one of them. Kind of sweet I suppose. 
1:20 a.m.
Dozed off for a while. No traffic and the Mormon boys are gone.
2:40 a.m.
Bella just woke me, she got a call from Double Dan, a regular we trade off on. He’s wanted Double the Pleasure, both of us together, for ages. Has never liked the cost.
Just sold a restored vintage vehicle and ready to party. Wants 12 hours in the VIP suite. I’m good with price she suggested so she’s calling him back. He’ll be here Thursday.
12:30 p.m.
Great to sleep most of the night. Debs ‘friendly’ doctor, two hours away, has scheduled her for late afternoon. He’s bringing syringes of vitamin B. Thank God. We pay him, he uses that toward paying her.
6 p.m.
One line-up so far. Other doorbells are regular clientele who’d rather sit here and drink than endure the mayhem of a downtown bar. Mandi’s got them feeding the jukebox, she’s pole dancing. 
I made lemon bars for everyone. Might try to finish Madeleine Albright’s bio.
9:10 p.m.
Tom, a Haulpak driver, just left. Didn’t book tonight, bought me wine and visited at the bar. Has some real health issues starting. Just diagnosed with gout and he’s using a cane. He liked the lemon bars. Maybe he shouldn’t be eating them?
Booked quick blow job around 11. Covers R&B for today. Not a bad looking guy huge sack of nuts on him. 
Email from a trucker who fancies himself a Dom. He’s so un-Dom, I have to fight to not giggle at him during a party. He puffs and postures, I “yes Master” and “no Master” him for 30 minutes (20, after wipe-down and Dick Check).
He’s on a budget, cheapest Dom on the planet.
8:15 p.m.
Ed, a 78-year-old retired rancher from Idaho drives three hours, every month, to sit and visit with me. Too old to do anything in bed but loves my company. Eyesight’s failing, we worry about him driving back so late at night. I asked once if he wanted to try something and he said no. I pressed and got his pants off. Limp as limp could be. We did nothing. 
He gets sandwiches packed for a promise to call when he makes it home. Don’t think it’ll be much longer we won’t hear from him again.
9 a.m.
Bella just woke me. Double Dan’s hit town. Checking into his hotel now, he’ll be here in 20. Which means he’ll be his usual stinky self after the long drive from Tacoma. Have to check temp in VIP hot tub and shower. 
7:25 p.m.
Double Dan wore out after 7 1/2 hours. So did Bella and I.
First thing when he arrived this morning, we put him in a bubble bath. Which he fought. Didn’t want to lose any precious sucking and fucking time. But he is oh so gross.
Tag-teamed him in tub, trying to clean without being obvious. He always smells. Getting my face close to his groin—or trying to find his tiny dick among the fat —make me nauseous. God his dick is so small! He took viagra you can tell and will again later. It does nothing for his size I assure you just makes the little thing hard. 
He’s an awful lot of work. We traded off quick breaks under variety of pretenses, he complained every time one of us left. Thank God we exhausted him before 12 hours were up. Neither of us thought he’d want a girl on his dick the entire flippin’ time. He is so hard to even fuck cause he is so small. Trying to stay on is tough and when he is giving it it's tediously falling out all the time. 
He’s back at the hotel now. Bella’s asleep in the recliner in the parlor. I’m collapsed in bed.
11:30 p.m.
Mr. Bic just called. He’s offering six grand, plus a thousand-dollar tip in total secrecy from the House. Wow. And I wouldn’t have to talk Canadian politics or clean up his ass.
I need a vacation.
My hair grows fast.
I can tell people I lost a Super Bowl bet.

12:30 p.m.
Jacob and hot little hunk from town has arrived. He says he's 30 but he looks younger. He married a mormon gal. Really seems to like her but she wont fuck him much and it's boring mormon rules in bed he says. Plus no dick sucking for him at home . I happily take his money and suck his beautiful cock. A little bigger than average maybe and tight balls but he's clean and it's a nice looking one. Plus has a nice little ass on him. 
Mormons don't do oral.  His wife is missing out good looking hunky bod and nice cock on him thats always hard. Plus he eats pussy while he is here since she won't let him on her. It's a nice change to have a bunch of real orgasms. He usually goes through two or three girls. 

See the rest of our interview with Lydia next month.

Was she really a virgin?

Elizabeth I was Queen of England and Ireland from 17 November 1558 until her death. Sometimes called The Virgin Queen. 

Elizabeth’s carefully crafted image of chastity couldn’t drown out the gossip about her sex life. From her youth, Elizabeth was championed as an embodiment of chaste maidenhood and so a highly desirable marriage prospect. As she aged and moved beyond her childbearing years, but remained unmarried and childless, Elizabeth was styled ever more spectacularly as the Virgin Queen. She had sacrificed herself to the realm, and her body, fused with that of the state, remained impregnable. In countless images she is adorned with pearls symbolising chastity, and is represented as the vestal virgin Tuccia in portraits, and the Virgin Mary in pageants, images and other entertainments.
Yet from the earliest months of the reign there was much talk at home and abroad that the queen was behaving in a manner that challenged this image of chastity. Foreign ambassadors’ reports are full of intimate details such as Elizabeth’s supposed sexual liaisons with Christopher Hatton and the Duke of Alençon. 
Yet it was Elizabeth’s relationship with Robert Dudley, Earl of Leicester, that got most tongues wagging. No sooner had she ascended the throne than courtiers were exchanging scandalous gossip about the queen and earl’s night-time liaisons.
Of course, it was only Elizabeth’s women who knew the truth; only they could vouch for her chastity. But while they were quick to defend her publicly, they might very well censure her in private. Early in the reign, Kat Ashley fell on her knees before the queen in the royal bedchamber at Hampton Court and implored her mistress to marry and put an end to the “disreputable rumours” of her relationship with Dudley. Ashley declared that rather than see these rumours spread she would have “strangled her Majesty in her cradle”.
Women at the time were thought to possess more voracious sexual appetites than men and so contemporaries found it hard to believe that any woman past puberty could remain chaste of her own free will, especially if she lacked a husband to provide an outlet for her sexual energies. The king of France would jest that one of the great questions of Europe was “whether Queen Elizabeth was a maid or no”. The courts of Europe were abuzz with gossip about her behaviour.

By refusing to allow the queen’s corpse to be opened and embalmed on her death, the ladies of the bedchamber were likely acting to prevent a postmortem examination that may have raised further questions about her virginity. In so doing they, and her councillors, may have been performing a final act of loyalty to their Virgin Queen by allowing her to remain the virgin queen. 

The Sofa Surprise

The Sofa Surprise sex position looks like  you can only perform it when on a sofa, but you can do it on an armchair, in bed or even on the floor. Keep in mind for this one to work the guy has to have some length on his penis for this to work  I have found, shorter or average size men this gets awkward real fast. 

“ sex positions pics

Although a sofa is best. For you and your man to get into the Sofa Surprise position, your man needs to sit down on a sofa as he normally would except scoot towards the end. You then need to bend over and skootch close next to him. With his legs spread wide open and his cock pushed or aimed slightly down you just back right on that thing and the gal is the one doing all the work pulling in and out. 

Interview With a Married Woman Who Takes Lovers on the Side

A woman I'll call Amy is a thirtysomething who has been happily married for six years, but for the last four and a half years, she's been using cheating site AshleyMadison.com to meet a variety of men for sex. It began as cheating, but now her husband knows about it.

When most of us imagine marriage, we envision a lifetime of loyalty, commitment and deepening intimacy. But sometimes life throws you a few curveballs, communication goes off the rails, people get bored with the same-old same-old, health issues arise, and if statistics are to be believed, cheating is an easy salve.
While it's hard to get a handle on how common marital infidelity is, the general truism is that men cheat more than women, but women are beginning to catch up. This typically wreaks havoc on relationships, but there are more and more couples who decide not to split up after cheating, but to pursue something in the middle, social monogamy, or what Dan Savage termed "monogamish."
In a  post some time ago we hear about  couples who tried nonmonogamy—a threesome, poly— and ended up in Splitsville. Who we hear less from are couples who have tried the monogamish route and are still together, but don't necessarily want to talk about it in the open. This, he argues, "allows smug and insecure monogamists to run around insisting that there's no such thing as happy, stable monogamish couples."
In response to a recent piece we ran here about marriage and promiscuity, we heard from Amy, who wrote to say she is such a specimen. We spoke via email about her situation.

Describe your relationship with your husband.
We're an extremely solid team. He's my best friend, the person I want to grow old with, and I love him deeply. We've been together for over a decade, married for over six years, and have been through the heavy stuff (parent with cancer, car accident, purchasing a home together) and fun stuff (travel, silly every day things) together. He's the funniest person I know, and when I think of love and family, it's him.
What was your relationship like prior to getting married? Did the health issues show up after the fact?
Pretty normal/boring relationship prior to marriage. He has a chronic health condition that we became aware of about a year after we married. The full impact of the disease and medications started showing up a bit prior to that and after. Since then, he is able to work but that uses up a lot of his energy, so our off time together went from backpacking/hiking to staying home watching movies. Depending on his health, because it fluctuates, my role as caretaker can be very involved (helping him get to the restroom, managing meds, taking him to/from doctors appointments) or just normal cooking and sharing of household chores.
Was the sexual relationship with your husband ever good? Is there an age or major libido difference otherwise?
The first several years of our relationship things were great. He was a good lover. Our libidos were well-matched, we had great communication, we were interested or game to try new things together. But then we basically went from having sex once or twice a week to having what I'd consider bad sex (five minutes or less, no real foreplay) once every six months to a year. We're about the same age (mid-30s). The libido drop came as a result of medications he takes and physical limitations (pain, or unable to move in certain ways needed for sex).
Why did you start cheating? Is this primarily about the sex not being good or about other needs not being met?
It was mostly the sex, but there's a psychological component to it. Sometimes you just want to get fucked, make love or have someone go down on you. As of right now, it has been over four years since my husband has been able to perform oral sex on me that is even remotely good or lasts any length of time. Sex is out of the question. And it hurts and builds resentment when you turn to the person lying in bed next to you, try to initiate sex, and you get rejected. Over and over again. Then that resentment spills into other areas. So it's the physical aspect, I like having sex, and it's wanting to be with someone who wants and is able to have sex with you.
How did the initial conversation go about your cheating, and how did it lead to him giving you the green light to maintain these outside relationships?
We had a few conversations about friends who were in open relationships and friends who had cheated on their partners. He initially found out by seeing something on my computer. He left the computer for me to see what he had seen, and let me bring it up. I explained that this was something I felt I needed, it was an escape, and that it made me happy. I explained that I wasn't in love with anyone else, and that I knew this was a Band-Aid for the sex issues he and I were having, but it was working for me for now. I asked him if he wanted a divorce and he said no. He asked me if I wanted a divorce and I said no, too. There were some tears, but we basically came to an understanding. He was mostly concerned about my health and safety (and I know I've got an amazing guy, trust me, I do). He told me I was OK to keep doing it but that he didn't want to know about it—just that I was being safe and discreet.
Do you consider yourself promiscuous? Monogamous?
Socially monogamous. We're the most boring, basic couple on the surface. You would NEVER guess I was doing this. I don't consider myself really promiscuous. It's not like I'm out there screwing any man I come across because I can. I've slept with less men than my single girlfriends who date, have casual sex, or the occasional one night stand (for the record I don't consider those friends promiscuous either). Most of my partners are regular men I see. There is no dates - it's for the sex only. I am not going to lie I was looking for men that where good in bed only.  
What is your sexual appetite like?
I think it's pretty average. If I can get together to have sex once a month, then I'm happy. I'm not completely vanilla but the kinkiest I'll go is playing with a blindfold or fake handcuffs some toys and what not. There are no threesomes or anything like that. 
Are you affectionate or physical with your husband at all, and how has that changed over time or in light of the new relationships?
Absolutely we're affectionate and physical. We'll cuddle on the couch, we both like to grab each other's butts, or we'll make the cat "dance" on the other person. We'll make out and hold hands. We have stupid pet names for each other that I'm not going to share because they're pretty stupid.
How would you say this has helped your relationship?
It's de-escalated things dramatically. Before, we'd fight about sex, and the anger behind that fighting would carry over into everything else. I knew he wasn't trying to hurt my feelings, but the situation still did. The long-term drain emotionally from getting rejected made me feel undesirable. That, plus the drain of being a caregiver, plus working full time, made me feel like shit.
I know this sounds selfish, but it was like I had nothing left for myself. I have a demanding job that I worked hard to get and I love, I help take care of my husband and I worry about him. It makes me sick to see him in pain. And I have family obligations. I have an amazing set of friends, but I share a lot of those friends with my husband. The way I explained it to my husband is that this is a "just me" thing. It's private and makes me happy. It keeps me from being an bitch partner. No one wants to be in a relationship with someone who's angry and mean all the time.
We get along so much better now that it's out there. It's removed our lack of a sex life from this taboo subject list. We don't have to dance around the subject, we don't have to debate it or talk about it over and over again. It's not a non-issue, but it's something that's a lot less emotionally charged now.
Are there any ways your affairs have hurt or complicated your relationship?
Back when he didn't know, I hated lying about it. Now he isn't thrilled to hear details (he prefers that I just let him know if I'll be home late). I make his feelings my top priority. If I need to cancel seeing someone because something comes up with him—health-related or just, "Hey babe, let's go do dinner and a movie tonight" then he always gets top priority on my time. He knows there are a few men I find amazing in bed.
Are the other relationships all sexual, or are some companionship or talking, or all of the above?
It's a mix. Friends with benefits is probably the best way to describe it. I see about six guys (two fairly regularly, as in once every month or so), the rest I will maybe see once or twice a year. Scheduling is a pain. For the guys and myself the priority list is typically, "spouse/family, work commitments, friend commitments, hobbies, sidepiece as time allows."
“ Obsessedpleasure
I only see men who are also married in most cases. Part of that is the MAD [mutually assured destruction] arrangement—you both have equal incentive to not go crazy on the other person or have expectations on the relationship that aren't feasible. 
The only non married man is a younger man, two young for me really but he fits the sex is amazing bill and fit into the well hung muscle hunk that can fuck forever category. 
What's been so nice about seeing other married people is that you realize you're not the only person in this situation. The guys I see have spouses with depression or health issues similar to my husband's. This is a topic you just don't talk about with other people, so having a relative stranger who gets where you're coming from and doesn't judge you is really comforting.
The relationships are all primarily sexual. I've come across some guys who want a girlfriend to go to the movies with or go to events with—that's OK for them, but I have someone to do that with. The sex is usually really, really good. It amazing how different men are in bed and how good some are and some are not. 
I wouldn't continue to see someone if the sex wasn't good because the risks (getting exposed, STIs, time suck) don't outweigh the benefits (good sex life). I also only continue to see someone if I enjoy the downtime with them. Good conversation, feeling relaxed, chatting about work stuff or pop culture. I don't jump into the deeper emotional stuff, re: my husband's condition, unless I feel like the man I'm with is a friend—and I don't ask much about their home life because it's none of my business. It's up to them how much they want to share.
Does your husband have the same freedom to pursue outside relationships? If he decided to, how do you think you would feel about that or have you encouraged him?
If he wanted to see someone outside our marriage I'd be thrilled to know that he enjoys sex as much as any other person, which would mean that the sex issue was an "us" thing that could either be fixed with counseling or something—or, not be fixed, but it would have more of a definition than it does now. He has visited a professional sex worker who was able to "work with him" in ways I can't due to physical limitations.
Can you elaborate on that?
I don't want to get too into it, but it was more a kink of his that I'm not able to do due to physical limitations for both of us—I don't want to hurt him/was cool with him going to a pro woman who was able to do stuff for him.
Is jealousy ever a factor for him? How so or how isn't it?
He is an incredibly kind person. I think jealousy is a factor—he doesn't love the idea of his wife fucking other guys, it's not a kink for him—but he loves me, gets that this is a stress release or way for me to escape for a bit, and he sees the bigger picture. I know he wishes he was a better lover.
Has it ever bothered you that he doesn't mind about the other relationships? Some women might find this threatening in its own way.
The issue feels like it's the right size. We've had arguments and intense discussions, but those were done knowing divorce wasn't an option we wanted. Once that was out of the equation, we had the space to negotiate what we were comfortable with.
Do you and your husband consider this an open relationship?
Open but not out. A small handful (like four people) know, but our sex life is not really anyone's business.
Has your husband ever met any of these men?
He has only seen a few pictures of one man many years ago. He asked what was special about one man I saw often for awhile. We joked together - I told him the man was very sexy, very very well hung and good in bed but dumb as a stump. I showed him some pictures he had sent me and we laughed at how big he was and I told him he would amount to nothing but was a good lay. Normally no. He has no interest. Something I've discussed with these guys I see is that if we ever see each other in public (and we don't, we run in different circles) the plan is to play dumb and treat the other person like a stranger.
Do you have rules for how you conduct these relationships?
Yes. Like I mentioned above, there's a mutually acknowledged priority list: Spouse, family, work, friends, etc. This ranks as important as a hobby. That being said, it's hard to carve out time to see each other, so you don't cancel unless you have to. There's some things like emailing or texting but not calling unless you both agree it's okay to call within a certain timeframe. I don't share my last name or a ton of specific details. I usually Google everyone based on the clues they drop (first name, line of work, where they went to college) and I assume everyone does the same for me. It's kinda like Fight Club, you don't talk a lot about it. One of my close friends always knows where I am if I'm seeing someone, and I tell the guy that. Usually I'll meet someone for a drink or coffee or something first, then we meet at hotels.
How do you avoid being seen by mutual friends? Are you only meeting in hotel rooms?
Hotel rooms.
Have you ever almost been spotted?
What happens if you fall in love? Or have you fallen in love so far?
I'm in love with my husband. I care about a couple of these guys deeply as friends. One I actually have stopped seeing—we still email as friends— because I care about him but not in a romantic sense. Like I said, I'll usually see a guy once a month—that's not super frequent. In the interim we'll email—and it's a friendship. It's a weird, raw relationship because there's zero reason to bullshit each other—it's very honest. And if someone wants to end something, you just go with it.
I had one guy, an investment banker, ask me if I'd ever get divorced. He wanted out of his marriage more than I realized, and he started dancing towards the "if we both got out then we could get together" thing. I shut that down and that was the last time I saw him because that's not what I'm looking for.
Tell us what you can about the types of men you're seeing.
I'm very type A and I'm attracted to type A personalities. I like white-collar, college educated, and liberal, so generally they all fall into that broad category (there's a little bit of everyone on Ashley Madison, but this is just what I like). I also like a bit older than me normally, fit, good looking, well hung - although it's not a requirement if you can work it, but this is sex we are talking about only. My experience is that men in their 40-50s have a very clear set of expectations, know what works for them in bed, typically are better in bed, are low drama, and are at a place in their careers where they have the time and money to do this. Big thing to note here: I'm not a sugar baby, I'm not a sex worker, I don't get cash or anything for this—but 99% of the time the guy pays for the hotel (and we usually stay at some nice places: The Standard, The Line, The W) so being able to do that equates with your job being at a certain level.
Because it's Southern California, there are a lot of guys on Ashley Madison in the industry both above and below the line. The people I've met (and I haven't slept with them all) include a really well known writer/director (think Saturday night date popcorn movies), three producers, a stunt man, and an editor. The other major categories I come across are men who are professors and guys who are bankers, lawyers, independently wealthy, or "business men."
They are either foreign and having affairs culturally isn't a big issue for them—I saw a Frenchman for over a year, he was fabulous—or their spouses have health issues, declining libido due to menopause or medication, etc. With the one exception, they're all happy enough in their marriage so that they don't want to leave, but they're missing an active sex life.
I've been contacted through Ashley Madison by men with some interesting fetishes that aren't for me: feet, pee, having someone be my slave. But most guys don't want anything super kinky. [Ed. note: Amy says she gets anywhere from 10 to 20 messages per day through the site.]
One experience sticks out for me—a guy I was seeing had a wife who was a cancer survivor. According to him the radiation, etc., had killed their sex life completely and they were both just grateful she was still alive. The second time we had sex, he started crying afterwards because he was so happy. This guy was 50, he laughed because he hadn't gotten a blow job since he was 18 because his wife didn't do that and it was overwhelming to him. He was amazed because he had forgotten what it was like to just have fun having sex, not worrying about if you were going to hurt the person you were with.
The reason I'm cool with talking about this is that I'm a regular reader/commenter on Jez (out of the grays), and whenever an article on Ashley Madison comes up it feels really judgey in the comments. Women I assume are scared of the idea comment saying how amazing their marriages are and how they could never imagine doing this. But I'm really just like them. The men I see are so boringly normal (OK, some have pretty cool jobs, but they're normal). They're husbands and dads and coach Little League and go to the park with their families. Their wives are both stay-at-home moms or busy with really cool careers. These men are not Don Draper—the idea that if you're marriage is rolling along smoothly you're immune from this happening to you is a joke. The only commonality is that the people who show up on Ashley Madison feel like they're missing something related to sex, so they are taking steps to get it while causing the least harm to others.
Are these men physically like your husband at all?
Yes, without giving too much about myself away—I have a physical type I like and a personality type I go for.
If your husband ever changed his mind and wanted you to stop seeing other men, would you oblige? Or would you leave?
I don't know. I'd like to say 100% that I'd stop, but for that to happen our relationship would need to be in a different space than it is now. I don't want to leave, and that's the reason Ashley Madison works as a Band-Aid. I want to have a happy, healthy sex life with my husband—I'm hopeful that certain therapies he's doing now will get us there, but in the mean time, I don't want to go for over a year again without being touched.
How long do these relationships last, generally?
A few relationships are years old—others are newer (less than a year). They stick as long as they work for both people, then you move on.
If your family or friends found out, what would they think?
The friends that know, understand. I don't typically talk about my sex life with family members, so I don't share this with them. My family isn't particularly religious or conservative, so I don't think I'd get shamed by them. The people who do know seem to agree that it's a sad situation but if my husband and I are okay with it—than that's our business.
Do you not want to say you're in an open relationship?
I don't go into detail about sex toys, sexual likes or dislikes, techniques, etc. with most of my friends and none of my family members. This arrangement falls into that category. I don't view this as a sexuality that I should come out of the closet and share. This doesn't define my sexual orientation; it's just something I'm choosing to do as part of the way I have sex.
What type of relationship do you indicate you're looking for on Ashley Madison?
FWB [friends with benefits]—not a sugar relationship.
What sexual tastes did you indicate that you were looking for?
Fairly vanilla with some kinky things, I like is kind of rough. 
What did you say you were looking for in an ideal partner?
I don't want to share my profile verbatim, but something along the lines of be normal, happy, and healthy.
Has your husband ever seen the site?
Yes. He liked that my profile says I'm married to an amazing person.
You mention the experience being empowering because you don't look like the typical blonde size 2 you'd find in LA. Was not feeling attractive in your relationship with your husband a part of this?
I think I'm attractive, but do I fit every social construct of what is attractive? No. I find it funny that the stereotypical homewrecker is a young blond size 2, that Southern California really prizes hyper-exaggerated youth and beauty standards, and that I don't fit those standards but I'm still getting lots of attention.
Are there children involved here?
No children.
What do you think people would misunderstand about these relationships, and what would you tell them if you could?
I'm a private person, so I don't have a huge desire to share about my sex life. I do wish that people were less judgmental about affairs. I think that people are afraid of being cheated on and that their reaction is to transfer that fear into judgment.
Anything else you want to add?
I always use protection, get screened regularly, and practice "safe" meeting practices.