I have let Mistress Elise take this one as I am into some light female dom but not quite what we are talking about this month. Dont' get me wrong I have made more than a few men cum in there pants just for fun, have have asked others to please me and wait before they get to cum and we would all like to slap our men around once in awhile but I know some of you women want to really control them. I am more of a girl that likes the man in charge, pin me down, please me and use me.
How To Get Started: Questions asked by the Novice Dominant Woman:
Q. Hi Elise, I first learned about this "female supremacy/domination" from a guy I met. He was upfront about the fact that he is a submissive male looking for a dominant female that he would share his life with. We became intimate and that was the first time that I assumed the dominant role. And guess what, I enjoyed it. But every time, the idea that this kind of relationship is "abnormal" makes me step back. The reason why I contacted you is because I need help in being more comfortable in this kind of relationship.
A. Your question is a very familiar one as many women who begin to explore their dominant sides have reservations. This just goes to show how successful our male dominated society has been in making women feel inferior to men. As women, we have been programmed since childhood that the man should be the dominant partner in a relationship or marriage. It is never easy to overcome our upbringing and our traditions. That is why you entertain thoughts that you may doing something that is "abnormal". This is especially true if you were raised in a strict religious upbringing. Women struggle with the "guilt" that they may be going against what God has designed.
The thing you must remember is that it was a man that has introduced this lifestyle to you. That is almost always the case. A man with submissive desires introduces Female Domination to his female partner. Why do men do this? It's because men desire and need to be in submission to women. No matter how hard society or religion tries to tell men differently, something deep inside of them yearns to surrender to a powerful woman. These desires grow stronger with age and men will spend countless hours dreaming and fantasizing about Female Domination. They will pursue these desires and struggle with these desires trying to come to terms with them but sadly they will not come to terms with them until they truly have a relationship with a woman whom can explore these desires with him in a loving manner.
The other side of this dynamic is that women who embrace the dominant role and who allow their dominant nature to come out, end up absolutely loving this lifestyle. That is what you are now discovering. It never ceases to amaze me how many women who once were real hesitant about being dominant end up loving it so much that they later say that they would never go back to being in submission to a man or only having vanilla sex with a man. This lifestyle is so liberating to women and it is also liberating for men as they can now fulfill that yearning within them.
As far as the D&S stuff goes, that depends on each woman and on each relationship. A female domination relationship can take on many forms. Lots of dominant women do embrace the whole leather and B&D scene as these things do provide great tools in the training and disciplining of their man. Other women enjoy a softer D&S relationship, as they prefer a Victorian type of discipline and training of their man. Still other women love to be the dominant partner and love to rule the marriage but they do not like to incorporate D&S or B&D but use male chastity to control their husbands. Some women like myself are Female Supremacists, while other women see themselves as just Feminists, and others see themselves as equals with men but with the belief that the wife needs to lead the husband.
The most important thing is that each couple must keep the lines of communications open, as honesty and openness are crucial in a female domination relationship. A woman needs to be open minded to explore new things as her submissive shares with her his deepest desires. It is all about negotiating and fulfillment. What touches his submissive nature? Does he have a leather fetish? If so, then wear it. Does he have a foot or a boot fetish? Does he crave whippings or spankings? Does he enjoy the helpless feeling of being in bondage? Find out what draws out his submission and do these things to him. Then take his submission and channel it into the service of you. Use your dominance to draw out more of his submission and than use that to get your needs met and fulfilled. It is like a dance. Get a man aroused and submissive than have him serve you (massages, oral sex, chores, etc). Keep him aroused and denied most of the time or his servitude will wane. Allow him some sexual relief but make sure that he understands that you decide when and how. No more than once a week at the most for him and preferable only once every other week. You, on the other hand, should receive as many orgasms as you desire. Are you starting to see why women love this lifestyle?
Above all, relax and enjoy the journey. You will make mistakes and you will experience the mental struggles at times but the more you let yourself go and allow your dominance to flow out of you, the more you will love this lifestyle and you will wonder how you ever lived outside of a D&S relationship before.
Q. Elise, my husband and I have embraced the Female Domination lifestyle and we progressed a little. However, I am still a little unsure as how to proceed. My husband is getting rather hesitant because I know I am not controlling him as I need to. He has begun to neglect me, not physically but in the little things like trimming my pussy hair and painting my toes. I have to ask him to do things that previously he would do simply out of devotion and servitude. When I punish him, I am rather half hearted and it doesn't do anything to make matters better. Help.
How can I make myself do what I want to do but am still afraid to do? My husband still wishes to be my slave but is fast losing patience with me because I won't do the things I should be doing to dominate him. We have your procedures but I need help with the role playing (I feel silly at times dressed as the mistress). How can I change me? I need help making me the controller and tips on how I can see results. Please help as I have seen the possibilities and enjoyed them but need help in being true to myself and the FemDom ideals.
A. It sounds as you if just need a little reassurance and self-confidence. It is perfectly normal for a woman to be a little hesitant about this lifestyle in the beginning. The key to success is your attitude. Don't worry about not knowing how to do certain activities. Skill comes with practice. Your husband needs to be patient with you. One thing that might help is to forbid him to speak during your sessions unless you grant him permission to address you in a limited manner. That way he will not be critical if you do something not as smoothly as he would like. A beginner dominant wife can lose her edge from one critical remark coming from her husband. A critical remark can deflate you and zap you of your dominant energy. So forbid him to speak during the session unless it is absoutely necessary. But after the session when you are asking him the psychoanalysis questions or even the next day, openly discuss with him what it was he liked and what it was he disliked about the D&S session.
When you have these discussions with him, it is important that you don't receive any criticism he may give to you negatively. Don't take it personal. Learn from any mistakes and learn what triggers his submission and what causes him to want to submit to you. Listen to him carefully as you are looking for nuggets that exposes his weakness to you. As you grow in this lifestyle, you will take what you learn and use it on him in order to control him. He will think that you are discussing the session with him because you want to do better in order to please him. But in fact, you are discussing things with him in order to exploit his weakness. All of this comes with time and practice.
So relax and enjoy the journey. The key during the session is your attitude. He will respond to your dominant attitude better than the actual D&S activities. Before a session, get dressed and have a little pep talk with yourself in the mirror. Notice how dominant and sexy you look in your fetish outfit and tell yourself how superior you are over your husband. Walk and talk like a dominant woman. Act dominant and you will be dominant. The key to role-playing is attitude. In the beginning, pretend you are an actress on an acting audition. Get into the role of a dominant, no nonsense woman. Over time, this will begin to come naturally and you will not have to act. But in the beginning, it helps with the role-playing. Have the attitude that your husband is lucky to be in your presence because you are a Goddess.
That is another thing, you are a Goddess. You need to see yourself as you really are. You are superior and you are dominant. It is on the inside of you and you need to relax and allow that dominant energy to flow. Let it come, don't think too much just BE dominant. It is there on the inside of you. Do not take any crap from your husband. Value his input but do not allow him to manipulate you. Be bold and be strong. You can do it.
Above all, just relax and have FUN. This is supposed to be fun. There is no need to be afraid. If you make mistakes, so what? If he doesn't like the way you do certain things, so what? This lifestyle is about you getting your needs met. He exists for you. You do not exist for him. He is your servant. You will motivate him by pulling out his submission through D&S but you do this so he will be motivated in serving you. So have fun and if you ever need a little encouragement, feel free to e-mail me.
Q. Elise, I really enjoy the procedures and exercises that I got from you, and I love the female domination lifestyle. It has really enhanced my marriage and our sex lives. However, I still have trouble getting my husband to submit to me outside of the bedroom. I know that I am not strict enough and that I don't follow through with this lifestyle outside of the bedroom. I guess that the desire is there within me, but I am still hesitant and maybe even a little scarred to take this lifestyle all of the way. I hope I am explaining my dilemma correctly. What would you recommend that I do?
A. Your dilemma is a most common dilemma. You have experienced some things in your relationship that most women will never experience. You love the way that you feel when you are dominating your husband, as you feel very powerful. You want to go further and to experience more. However, you have to overcome your upbringing, the male dominated societal philosophy, and tradition. This is hard to overcome. However, you will not be totally satisfied until you do.
The worst place to be is riding the fence. As long as you just confide it to the bedroom you will continue to enjoy your sex life, but you will constantly feel that tugging inside of you to go all the way with it. That female power within wants to come out, but you are holding it back by your inhibitions.
The best advice I can give you is to make the decision to go all of the way and then just do it (as the Nike commercial says). Some things that you can do that will help you are the following.
Keep playing with your husband a minimum of twice a week. Read as much material on the subject of female domination that you can. Watch videos and surf the web to come up with fresh ideas to help to motivate you. Of course, keep reading my website. Surround yourself with other dominant wives for support. Join a female domination support group in your area or if there is none, than start one. One other dominant female friend who practices this lifestyle will make a world of difference.
By doing these things, it will give you the courage to continue to grow as a dominant female. Let me encourage you not to turn back now. You know what the past was like when men dominated you. You can't go back to that. Therefore, be strong and forge ahead. Overcome your inhibitions and become the dominant female that you naturally are.
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