There are 2 drastically different worlds of oral sex. One world is conversational, its the way we talk about blowjobs with our friends; it’s how we tell a group of girlfriends about the great sexcapade on our last date. It’s in the way movies and magazines make it seem so fun and tell you how much EVERYONE loves oral sex but nobody is doing it right. (which is only half true)
The other world exists inside the bedroom. It is strangely more serious and involves a lot of fumbling. Oral sex is the great equalizer in relationships and makes even the most confident people feel exposed, as it strips us down to our barest selves, emotionally and physically.
I’ve realized over the last few years talking to people openly and honestly about sex, not as many people love it as you’d think, and as they should. And this isn’t just for ladies, EVEN GUYS sometimes have mediocre and outright bad opinions of oral sex.
But it’s rarely a physical reaction. It’s the emotions of insecurity, and unsettledness that makes us scoot past 3rd base and on to the part we feel more comfortable with.
My own personal experience with oral sex is a long and hilarious one. And when I stopped analyzing it on an experience-by-experience basis or even partner-by-partner, I made some connections about my own personal sexuality that totally blew my own mind. (It’s not that hard to do)
Oral sex is a give and take situation. The orgasm you get is only as good as the energy and emotion you are giving back to the person between your knees.
The fact is I LOVE ORAL SEX, I REALLY REALLY LIKE MY PUSSY EATEN. Why? Cause men can be better at oral that with thee cock mainly. We are so hyper-focused as a society on GIVING great oral that we rarely take into consideration the other 50% of the process. If we were more aware of ourselves and our actions whenRECEIVING oral sex I think we could drastically improve the whole situation, by like 50%.
By being a better receiver of oral sex, you can make your partner never want to stop. We are inherently selfish beings. Just think of your own self confidence boost when someone tells you that you’re great in bed. It is an insta turn-on. And nothing is more empowering than feeling like we are amazing at oral sex.
When I put this thought into action behind closed doors; the way I had sex – and in particular the way I experienced oral sex – COMPLETELY changed. It may sound ridiculous, but in my most recent relationship one of our few problems in the bedroom was that we fought each other for who would GIVE oral sex. We both were open and honest about how we found mega pleasure in making the other person writhe and scream and collapse in ecstasy. Not in a way that we were humble givers of sex so our SO would be sexually fulfilled, but also from a completely selfish place that the give-and-take made us as sexually satisfied as being on the receiving end. Knowing that the favor would be returned with enthusiasm also took the score-keeping out of the process. Oral sex was a collaboration in sexual satisfaction. And that’s the way it should be. It was such an empowering experience to be on either end of the thing that we couldn’t get enough. We would often decide over dinner so we wouldn’t waste the time once we were home.
In some ways you have the power to control how good your partner is at oral. It’s not all about technique, it’s about emotion and investing in the other person’s pleasure. It’s about leading your partner in the right direction and telling them what you want, with or without words.
There are concrete things you should be doing while receiving oral sex that will help you shed your inhibitions and have a great time.
Get out of your own head
The first 30 seconds of oral sex are the toughest. Just after the moment that you see their face skimming down your torso towards your lady parts, your mind will begin to race with every thought of whether or not you shaved, how you smell, what you look like, whether or not they like you, etc.
Chill the fuck out.
Unless your partner is a complete newbie, they know exactly what they are getting themselves into. And to be honest, they are too close to the thing to notice a stray hair or pimple. Acknowledge your thoughts as being there and being totally crazy and let them go. Take a deep breathe and recognize the look of excitement on their face. They’re into it; so relax.
Loosen the fuck up
Nothing is more of a turn-off than a person who is uncomfortable. This is where the downward spiral starts and oral sex starts to divide couples instead of bringing them together. If you are having a hard time quieting your mind of the insecurities you are feeling, your partner can spidey-sense it. If they can tell you are uncomfortable and they think you aren’t enjoying what they are doing, they will start to get self conscious that their efforts aren’t “working” and you aren’t getting any pleasure. And isn’t that the whole reason they are down there??
Really put in your effort to relax. That’s your 50%!
That isn’t too much to ask. If you are having trouble letting go or are feeling antsy and distracted, let your partner know so they don’t feel like they’re missing out on something. And phrase it in a way that doesn’t lay blame on their lengua skills. If you ask your partner to stop, they are going to read that as “you are terrible at this.” – instead say something like “I’m really distracted, I would love if you would…”
Use your hands
And keep them to yourself. This is a few moments that are all about YOU! Take this time to revel in your own gorgeousness and appreciate your body. Augment the awesomeness that is happening between your legs with your own hands. You know what turns you on, so do that. Use your hands to skim over your skin and get some goose bumps going, play with your nipples, touch your thighs or run your fingers through your hair. Your partner will love the group effort since it makes their job easier.
Say something
Since their face is buried in your free-flowing seventies-style bush, they are not going to be very vocal. Oral sex can be uncomfortably silent if you’re waiting for your partner to say something. If you haven’t noticed, they are a little busy. But that’s a great thing, because this is your moment to put on a show. Take control of the conversation and get a little dirty. Just go for the moan & groan if you don’t have anything specific to say, but I promise – the dirtier you get, the more eager they will be to please. Enjoy the fact that they can’t say anything back and use that to your advantage. Tell them how amazing it feels and tell them (with grace and some rasp in your voice) exactly what you want. They’ll give it to you.
Connect physically
One of the most difficult things about oral sex is the physical distance. Unlike vag->penis sex you aren’t smooshed up against each other, where you can feel the person completely. In most sexual positions it’s easy to read your partner’s body language. Their face is often near yours, so it’s easy to gauge their pleasure by the intensity of their breathing and the beating of their heart and other obvious physical reactions. But when you’re on opposite sides of the bed and hardly touching, the distance can make people feel very incredibly exposed. This is the moment where trust is made and relationships grow insanely intimate.
No joke. In this moment there is something really powerful about a simple physical connectionthat solidifies that trust. A graze of your fingertips on a man’s arm or neck when they are going down on you can feel so good. And there is nothing a woman loves more than an aggressive tongue with a gentle hand on the small of her back. That is enough to send shakes and shivers up anyone’s spine.
Comments
Post a Comment