Recent studies have shown that actual penis size is smaller than men are claiming. According to the Journal of Sexual Medicine, the average male penis measures 5.6 inches when erect; the Journal of Urology puts it at a slightly smaller 5.08 inches. This is considerably smaller than previous numbers from Alfred Kinsey, Durex and the Definitive Penis study, which averaged 6.25 inches in their estimates. The difference between the two estimates: surveys like Durex’s rely on self-reporting, and men are likely to overestimate. As Tom Hickman wrote in “God’s Doodle”: “What is incontrovertible is that where men and their penises are concerned there are lies, damned lies, and self measurements.”
However if 5.08 is the average length of a male erection, it's More (6.32 inches) if you’re gay, apparently. And less if you’re straight.
What about gay men though and penis size? We know we all care about penises. When it comes to the subject of penis size however, opinion on how much this actually matters varies wildly from one women to another but what about gay men. It seems many gay men simply adore a massive meat mound, while others couldn’t give a toss, but it seems more of them care.
So I rounded up a few gay men here in New York I know to ask the question. Do you like big dick?
Andrew whipped it out and showed me, I have seen it before. A stunningly fit man and well endowed. "See Jane, I’ve got a very thick cock (he can't wrap his hand around it) – you can basically hide an iPhone behind it,” reveals 35-year-old Andrew. “I tend to be the top – I love it – but entry can be hard work, uncomfortable for the other guy until they’re used to it and, as a result, it’s all a bit frustrating for me. There’s a lot of ‘Ow! Ow! Ow! Slow down!’, which is a bit of a turn off and can kill my erection. Obviously foreplay helps, but not everyone likes that anally and I’ve found the mental side of things for the bottom makes things more complicated. Partners just tighten up in anticipation and that makes it harder to penetrate. Once it’s in and the guy is relaxed, normally sex is great, but I’ve had lots of experiences where we’ve not got that far because one or other of us gets frustrated or the moment goes.”
Andrew has been forced to explore other sides of his sexuality due to his size. “I’ve found that sometimes it’s just easier to bottom, it relieves the pressure of ‘performing’. I understand how it feels to be well-endowed. You’re worried that you might lose your erection, so you ram it in straight away to make sure you don’t. That doesn’t always work out for the guy on the receiving end.”
Not all well-endowed men have problems being received though, as 28-year-old Joshua explains. “I’m hung and I love it! And other guys seem to love it. I don’t have a boyfriend at the moment, so I, to my shame, tend to hook up a lot online. I just state what I’m looking for on my profile, with a few pics of course, and the bottom guys flock to me. I’ve measured myself and I’m just over nine inches and a good thickness, and I rarely have trouble with people taking it. I always make sure the guy is a ‘proper’ bottom, in the sense that they genuinely love getting fucked.” Joshua doesn’t necessarily think his cock size has swayed his sexual position. “Having a big one does help, but even if I was smaller, I’d still be a top I think. I just love to fuck, and have never had any desire to be fucked really. Maybe it’s because of my stature – I’m quite tall and broad – that makes me naturally more dominant... I’m not sure.”
Sometimes having a big cock cannot only affect the type of sex you have but also the type of relationship you have. “I’m quite well-endowed,” says Paul, 31. “I’m so well-endowed that my husband can’t handle me. I’ve always been a top, but because he finds it so difficult to take, I’ve turned into the bottom since he is smaller. We love each other dearly, which is why we pursued the relationship despite the sex setback, but it does mean the nature of our relationship has changed. We had to open it up, mainly so I could be satisfied sexually too and be able to fuck other guys. We still love each other and are still together, it’s just my dick means we had to reassess what our partnership really meant.”
How does it feel for the guy on the pointy end of super-sized flesh cudgel? It’s a lot of trial and error according to 37-year-old Harry. “My boyfriend is very well-endowed and it’s also very thick. He’d only had girlfriends before he went out with me, and they’d always struggled to take it, and he just assumed this was normal. I thought it was such a turn on when I first saw it – the most attractive thing though was that he genuinely had no idea it was so big, as he’d never seen another man’s erect cock before in the flesh. When I mentioned it to him he was disbelieving – he said ‘but I’ve seen guys in porn and I’m only a bit bigger than them’, and I had to point out that they were a self-selecting group of people distinguished by their large cocks!”
When it comes down to business, Harry and his boyfriend kept trying until they got it right. “While I don’t have any problems accommodating him in general when he fucks me, I’ve found that certain positions in sex are just a no go. He likes it when I sit on him, but I can’t usually tolerate more than a few minutes as it feels like I’m being repeatedly stabbed in the guts. If he fucks me doggy style, then I can feel it crashing into my prostate and while this can be nice, too much of it and it becomes acutely uncomfortable. The flip side of this is that when he fucks me when I’m lying on my front, the angle seems to be just right and it feels amazing, especially when he does it very hard. In fact, I get a strange tingling, shivering feeling all over my body that comes in waves and leaves me covered in goosebumps. I’ve never had this with anyone else I’ve slept with. To be honest, now I’m used it, he just shoves it in!”
When researching this article, it was astonishing how many men came forward to disclose their big cock ‘problem’, yet there were very few willing to talk if they considered themselves to have a smaller than average phallus. Being ‘small’ continues to be a source of shame for some guys, which Nicholas, 19, confirms. “I have a very small willy. I’ve measured it and it’s not big. I’m too embarrassed to say how big! I hate getting changed in front of other guys or even just being in my underwear. When I came out and started having sex, I just naturally assumed the bottom role, because I thought that no one would want to be fucked by me. I’m not complaining, it’s great, and I actually take a lot of power from being the bottom, I guess. I can’t control the size of my willy, but I can control how well I can take a guy’s cock. I guess my arse is my version of a big package.”
“I’d consider myself to have a smallish cock,” divulges 26-year-old Trey, “It’s about five inches erect. It really got me down for a while, but mainly because I was comparing myself to porn stars. I meet a lot of men who assume I’ll be the submissive/bottom guy because of my size (I’m only about 5’6” in height too) but I can handle myself in bed and I won’t just bend over because I’m meant to be embarrassed about the size of my cock. I’d say I’m versatile – which is the best way! – and I’ve been told I’m a great fuck when I top. It’s a cliché, but it really is what you do with it, not how big it is. I’m a champion top!”
However, not all guys are the ‘bottom twink with a small cock’ stereotype. “I’m a body builder and I’ll fully admit that my penis isn’t the biggest,” says Grant, 33. “When it comes to my torso, I’m not ashamed to show off, I’m massive! When it comes to my dick, yeah, I’m not as big. I’d say I’m smaller than average, and I’m basing that on the guys I’ve slept with. I’m a hardcore bottom, a power bottom I suppose, and I fucking love being that way. Because of my muscle mass, men get so surprised when they find out I’m a bottom. They assume because I could pin them down, I’ll be a top.” Grant doesn’t think that the size of his cock has had any influence over his sexual position. “No way has my dick guided me towards bottoming. I honestly just enjoy sex more that way. My size hasn’t stopped me topping and I’ve had plenty of men ask me to bang them, it’s just not for me.”
Sona Barbosa, the Counselling Coordinator at the GMI Partnership, believes that the size of a gay man’s phallus does have certain outcomes. “There’s a study, called ‘The Association between Penis Size and Sexual Health among Men Who Have Sex with Men’ from 2011, which looked at 1,065 gay men. The goal of the study was to understand the real individual-level consequences of living in a penis-centred society and it uncovered a few bombshells.
Gay men who felt they had small or inadequate penis sizes were more likely to become ‘bottoms’, while gay men with larger penises were more likely to identify themselves as ‘tops’. Men with smaller penises were more likely to be psychologically troubled than those with larger genitalia, while men with larger penises were more likely to contract certain STIs. It also found that men with above average penises enjoyed more satisfaction with their lifestyle. With clients I see at GMI, the above seems to be true; there are also definitely issues of self-esteem and self-confidence in clients who report having a smaller penis; they seem to take more risks as the need to be accepted is paramount.
Guess the dick size debate rages on!
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