Swingers, like polyester leisure suits, seemed to have their heyday in the '70s. But couples who openly swap partners for a night of passionate sex with strangers, are becoming a growing trend in a sort of new sexual relationship revolution -- and those who swing say the rest of us monogamists are missing out.
The couples said they don't find anything wrong with monogamy, but they were looking for something more exciting and raw. Many consider sex more of a animalistic act not always love.
"Your best sex may not be with each other, but your best love might" said Sara N.J. "We have pretty amazing sex at home when we're alone. But when we go to a sex party it's a physical attraction, not an emotional attraction."
Michael, a 28-year-old construction worker, and Sara, 24, who works in a doctor's office, have been in a committed relationship for more than 14 years but they do "full swaps," complete with intercourse, but they refuse to kiss strangers.
"Sex is more of a primal, more of an urge-based," Sara said. "The kissing is more intimate so we like to keep that for us."
National surveys suggest as many as 60 percent of marriages involve cheating. One study conducted by the University of Washington Center for the Study of Health and Risk Behaviors showed that in the last two decades, the number of unfaithful wives under the age of 30 increased by 30 percent and number of unfaithful husbands under 30 increased by 45 percent.
Yet every swinger I spoke with said they have a cure for that. They said their relationships are more spicy, more honest and more secure because they swap partners. I have learned some new things by having sex with other men that I can then tell my husband to try at home say's Sarah.
"People that are of a certain degree of attractiveness are probably looking to interact and swap partners with other people that are a certain degree of attractiveness so they are a good-looking person," said Nicole, a self-described swing school instructor for Behind Closed Doors.
Janel and Stevens of Edgewater, N.J., are both in their 40s and have been together for nearly two decades. She manages properties and Stevens is a Realtor. When they attended Behind Closed Doors' party, they engaged in so-called "soft swapping."
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| Sara and Michael have regular friends, they don't sleep with random people |
"So we do not engage in penetration," she said. "It's a comfort level. We flirt, we hug, we touch, but there's no penetration other than fingers or toys maybe. I get really turned on playing with these other usually younger well hung, well built men but take the sex home to my husband."
Janel said swinging works for her and Stevens because it's something they can do together.
"Think about traditional relationships and how much cheating and lying and deceiving there is how much more disrespectful is it when you do it behind your partner's back," she said. "We're sharing something."
Swingers are part of a change that researchers have noted in couples' attitudes toward infidelity in recent years. Generations are marrying later, and come to the marriage with habits acquired over years of dating -- among them, sleeping with other partners after the initial attraction wears thin.
Sara and Michael, another couple at the Behind Closed Doors party, said they got into the swinging scene because of a bet they made with each other -- Sara had always wanted a threesome with two men. He lost the bet and she had a week to come up with a man. It was a younger man, clean, safe someone they knew. they had an awesome experience and ever since then, every month, we've been meeting other couples," Sara said. "We're not the jealous type, but we believe that 'sharing is caring."
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| Two is always better than one |
It usually costs about $200 for a ticket to one of Behind Closed Doors' parties and there's an etiquette involved. Only single women or couples are allowed inside, but no men who are flying solo. Sara has admitted she has had some of the best sex of her life with other men since doing this. She thanks Michael for the experiences.
"I have never devalued the sex or time together with him. It's different with him, I love him and the sex is love, even when we try and make it crazy kinky, sex. It's still love. It's hard for me to let that go and just fuck! I had other lovers before I married and a few where better in bed but non loved me like Michael and hold me like him or has taken care of me like him, but he is just average in bed. I get good sex out of this for me."
Cindy says. “I believe that we pursue swinging because of how much we love each other. To be able to trust someone so much as to let them have sex with someone else is the ultimate show of trust in a relationship. Trust is a key element of love.” Cindy who is married to Kevin for over 7 years swings about a dozen times a year. She likes the change - "I like experiencing new feelings to people, and I get turned on seeing Kevin please another women."
Cindy says it all started by accident with friends years ago. there best friends couple where over and made a comment that her friend Heather heard Kevin was good in bed and wanted to find out. Cindy says: "It was a drunken thing at the time but I just blurted out that my husband Kevin has a big cock and is good in bed, before I knew it I told Kevin to show her and one thing led to another. Heather went home happy and I even fooled around with her husband while we watched those two go at it"
Swinging couples still have a desire to live a normal life; they work as teachers, police officers and scientists. They marry not only to pledge their devotion to each other, but also to raise children together. Couples do not define their relationships by their swinging. They measure their self-worth not on their sexual escapades, but just as any other married couple does: the strength of their relationship, the success of their careers, and the accomplishments of their children.
Swinging is not who the couple is; swinging is their play time: “it’s not reality, it’s just pure fun, a comfy place where you can come with your partner, where you can have your fantasies, and then you can go back to your real life and your inhibitions." Swinging is not a way for these couples to act out against society; it is a way for them to live their normal lives and be a part of society all while fulfilling their desires.
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